Two Years Ago Today

Screw everything else below. The real news is that yesterday, I actually had my shit together. Despite what happened 2 years ago. And it felt awesome to be in a really good place.

Two years ago today, my life changed forever when my husband walked out the door. And the ensuing months were (hopefully) the hardest time of my life. But thanks to some incredible people I was able to get through it and realize I'd been given a second chance.

I could have spent today sad, angry, lonely, etc. But I'm not. Instead I've decided to reflect on all the positive things I've learned from that experience.  

Firstly - 

Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life.
There were days when I felt powerless with my world crashing down all around me and I didn't know if I'd ever be happy again or would ever stop hurting. But I also became more "real" than I had ever been before. I let others in like never before. I let myself cry in front of people. I got so angry that I broke things. And I appreciated every bit of love and happiness I received. And I found myself having some incredible experiences with amazing people. And the greatest moment was finding the strength to start over, on my own, in Chicago.

And because I was forced to become "real", I learned to - 

Be brutally honest. 
In all sorts of relationships. That's the only way you can really get to know a person intimately and the only way a relationship will stand the test of time. And this is even harder, but you must be honest with yourself. Even if you don't want to know the truth.

Enjoy the moment. 
My marriage didn't end when he walked out the door. It ended long before that and it wasn't only because of him. I didn't appreciate what I had. I prioritized a lot of things over my marriage and only realized it when it was already too late. So I try to be conscious of appreciating the here and now.

And being more appreciative of the moment, I realized that moment is best if you are happy - 

Don't take life too seriously.  
I used to. I still do a lot (hence this post). But I've realized sometimes you need a little bit of dumb in life. I've learned to relax a bit, smile more, not take everything personally and that it's okay to pick-up and go to San Francisco next weekend, even if you can't really afford it.

You control your happiness. 
Life can be pretty shitty sometimes - people will do shitty things to you, you will find yourself in shitty situations. You can blame it on those people or those situations, or you can control how it affects you. If you find yourself unhappy, you have the power to decide how it's going to affect you and change the situation.

You have the power to change, but some things happen for a reason - 

You don't meet people by accident. 
If I hadn't met my ex, I wouldn't have moved to Kansas City. It wasn't a coincidence that a friend from college was the perfect person to move in next door around the time my world was falling apart. It wasn't by accident that I met some amazing friends back in college who became my strength during this time. It wasn't by chance that at my lowest point, I met someone who understood exactly what I was going through. It wasn't happenstance that I met some new people who turned into exactly what I needed at various points over the past two years.

Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting - 

It's okay to miss people you no longer want in your life. 
The hardest thing about my divorce was not only losing my husband, but also my best friend. We had a lot of great times together over nine years and made a ton of memories. So of course I missed him. And I'm starting to be able to remember without crying. And it's okay that I miss him or miss certain things, but that doesn't mean I want him back.

And finally - 

#YouNeverKnow
My friend coined this hashtag during a softball game several months ago (and no, she was not talking about whether or not I'd actually hit the ball). But she was right. You just never know what might happen in life. Sure there are some things you can control, but there are a lot you can't. I don't know what's in my future - and even though that's can be a bit scary - I'm okay with that right now. Because #youneverknow what will happen next.