Two Years Ago Today

Screw everything else below. The real news is that yesterday, I actually had my shit together. Despite what happened 2 years ago. And it felt awesome to be in a really good place.

Two years ago today, my life changed forever when my husband walked out the door. And the ensuing months were (hopefully) the hardest time of my life. But thanks to some incredible people I was able to get through it and realize I'd been given a second chance.

I could have spent today sad, angry, lonely, etc. But I'm not. Instead I've decided to reflect on all the positive things I've learned from that experience.  

Firstly - 

Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life.
There were days when I felt powerless with my world crashing down all around me and I didn't know if I'd ever be happy again or would ever stop hurting. But I also became more "real" than I had ever been before. I let others in like never before. I let myself cry in front of people. I got so angry that I broke things. And I appreciated every bit of love and happiness I received. And I found myself having some incredible experiences with amazing people. And the greatest moment was finding the strength to start over, on my own, in Chicago.

And because I was forced to become "real", I learned to - 

Be brutally honest. 
In all sorts of relationships. That's the only way you can really get to know a person intimately and the only way a relationship will stand the test of time. And this is even harder, but you must be honest with yourself. Even if you don't want to know the truth.

Enjoy the moment. 
My marriage didn't end when he walked out the door. It ended long before that and it wasn't only because of him. I didn't appreciate what I had. I prioritized a lot of things over my marriage and only realized it when it was already too late. So I try to be conscious of appreciating the here and now.

And being more appreciative of the moment, I realized that moment is best if you are happy - 

Don't take life too seriously.  
I used to. I still do a lot (hence this post). But I've realized sometimes you need a little bit of dumb in life. I've learned to relax a bit, smile more, not take everything personally and that it's okay to pick-up and go to San Francisco next weekend, even if you can't really afford it.

You control your happiness. 
Life can be pretty shitty sometimes - people will do shitty things to you, you will find yourself in shitty situations. You can blame it on those people or those situations, or you can control how it affects you. If you find yourself unhappy, you have the power to decide how it's going to affect you and change the situation.

You have the power to change, but some things happen for a reason - 

You don't meet people by accident. 
If I hadn't met my ex, I wouldn't have moved to Kansas City. It wasn't a coincidence that a friend from college was the perfect person to move in next door around the time my world was falling apart. It wasn't by accident that I met some amazing friends back in college who became my strength during this time. It wasn't by chance that at my lowest point, I met someone who understood exactly what I was going through. It wasn't happenstance that I met some new people who turned into exactly what I needed at various points over the past two years.

Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting - 

It's okay to miss people you no longer want in your life. 
The hardest thing about my divorce was not only losing my husband, but also my best friend. We had a lot of great times together over nine years and made a ton of memories. So of course I missed him. And I'm starting to be able to remember without crying. And it's okay that I miss him or miss certain things, but that doesn't mean I want him back.

And finally - 

#YouNeverKnow
My friend coined this hashtag during a softball game several months ago (and no, she was not talking about whether or not I'd actually hit the ball). But she was right. You just never know what might happen in life. Sure there are some things you can control, but there are a lot you can't. I don't know what's in my future - and even though that's can be a bit scary - I'm okay with that right now. Because #youneverknow what will happen next.

Tea with Claudia | #GreatIdeas Series

"Always surround yourself with people smarter than yourself," is one of the best pieces of advice that I've heard [and taken]. 


And my friend, Claudia Zhang, is no exception. As long as I've known her - about 16 years now - she's been full of wisdom, advice and #greatideas. And she's always up for taking risks, "just going for it". Her dedication to her budding tea business, Michi Tea, is no exception to this rule.  

Claud moved to Germany [much to my dismay] with her husband a year and a half ago -  knowing virtually no German or people besides her husband and a few of his friends. This experience alone is worth writing about [Claud, someday you'll have to document your stories]. For some this could be incredibly daunting, but for Claudia it was an opportunity to experience something new. 

Over time, she noticed that Germans are "very particular" about their beverages, often drinking anything but "flat" water. In fact, on Sundays when other shops and supermarkets were closed, she noticed the beverage shops or "Getraenkemarkt" were open because it's so much ingrained in the culture. When she got pregnant, she started looking for non-alcoholic beverages and most of the options were sweet. And she realized what was missing - ready-to-drink teas, right out of the bottle, that tasted freshly brewed and were without a lot of added sugars. 

So she started thinking, what if I developed a product that could fill this gap? Claudia started experimenting with brewing and bottling at home, but soon realized that wasn't realistic to produce large quantities doing that. What's really great about this story, is that as Claudia finds a roadblock or a potential dead-end, she just tries a different route [or turns over a new leaf, if you will]. 

"The further I got into the project," she said. "The more I understand about all the bits and pieces that needed to be done. I think it's probably the case with any startup, you just have to start and then figure out the rest as you go along. It's impossible to plan for every little thing ahead of time because you just won't know what you will need." 

See I told you she was smart. 

So while she's not 100% up & running with Michi, she is finalizing her brand and business plan and next step is to do sales pitches to retailers and distributors. And sell the tea! 

I wish the best for one of my best friends in moving forward with Michi and all her other #greatideas [although her next one better involve coming back to the states...]

 #30before31

Dating while #30before31

One of my #30before31 challenges is to "date for real". I know that sounds ridiculous, but it's something I've had a hard time doing since my divorce. Part of me wants to not deal with dating at all, but the other part of me doesn't want to miss out on the experience of dating. Especially in Chicago. 

Well after a few months, I've discovered that my dating life and my cooking skills are unfortunately very similar. I keep crashing and burning with every new guy I meet. [And it's not totally because of my awkwardness]. 

I mean there was the potential #Tindernightmare with "Tinder Tom". On the second date he wanted me to come over to his condo - or rather his parent's condo - that he was living in at 11 o'clock at night. I mean if that doesn't scream "bad decision", I don't know what does. So needless to say, I didn't go on that second date.   

And then there was Chris, a pilot and huge Chicago Bear's fan. Who at 38, acted 23, and was obsessed with selfies. Like dude, if a guy does selfies more than the gal, there's a problem.  

And who could forget about Bobby, who just graduated from grad school, but I am pretty sure still lived in a dorm. Let's just say that didn't last too long.  

And of course, Nick, who dragged me around to every karaoke bar in the city so he could sing karaoke. He was fun, until he kept asking me, "why do you like?" Finally, I was like, "I don't." 

But I've also met some guys who have really been great - intelligent, driven, attractive, fun, etc. But the problem lies with me. I have a problem with commitment and making dating a priority. So there's that. Meanwhile, I'll continue keeping my options open and giving dating a chance. And maybe one day I'll be ready. Because #youneverknow

Jake - Candi - @DublynDoodle | #GreatIdeas Series

It's a snowy morning in Chicago and I'm laying in my bed, scrolling through my Instagram feed, contemplating burning some toast [well not really, but that's what usually happens]. And as usual, I came across my friends' @DublynDoodle Instagram feed, featuring Dublyn, their lively golden doodle. And I smile as I scroll through the multitude of comments about people who love Dublyn. 

Candi Chadwick & Jake Slobodnik are two fantastic and talented people that I had the pleasure of meeting a few years ago in KC through a mutual friend. They took me under their wing in a tough time in my life, and we became close. While getting to know them, I found out that Jake dabbled in photography (or so he said but he was actually super talented at it) and in September 2013, they adopted a golden doodle, Dublyn. 

Their story is a fantastic case of some people who have turned their passion into a bigger idea. 

The day they added Dublyn to their family, they took tons of photos and immediately started posting on Instagram. They said, they quickly realized they were going to drive their friends insane, or risk losing our friends altogether if they kept posting. 

So Candi came up with the idea to create an account, just for Dublyn. Jake says, "In December, Dublyn came home, and we posted our 'final' photo of Dublyn on our personal accounts, which read At the sake of sounding crazy, but more so you don't have to be inundated with pictures of our new dog, we have created a new account for Dublyn.  Check her out @dublyndoodle." 

Each day Candi & Jake would take pictures of Dublyn and post them with #goldendoodle and #dogsofinstagram. They quickly gained hundreds of followers and in 11 weeks over 1,000 followers who loved seeing their adorable dog. [Even as a non-dog person I got suckered in too]. 

They started adding watermarks to their photos and then were featured on @dogsofinstagram and they felt famous! so far, they've been featured on @natgeochannel, @petbox, @gramoftheday, @glamourpoland, @findingkc, and many more. They've been contacted about becoming a "product spokes-dog" by numerous companies.  Including @whistlelabs, which they recently teamed up with to represent, Whistle, a pet activity monitor, similar to a FitBit for humans. 

They've even won several contests and also entertained the idea of creating an ETSY account selling cards, photos, or calendars, but haven't committed quite yet.  

On October 15, 2014 at 5:45pm their account hit the 10,000 follower mark. And they are still amazed at the success of the account with (now) nearly 13,000 followers. They say their short-term goal is 25,000. Their ultimate goal is a feature by Instagram themselves, #weeklyfluff. 

To maintain the account regularly, it's a two-person gig, including taking the photos [and getting Dublyn to pose], adding the posts, responding to the comments, etc. When the account started, Jake did a lot of the photography but recently Candi has taking some photography classes and becoming adept at taking the photos herself as well. Making their possibilities endless. 

So what's next? 

Some of their favorite Instagram accounts have turned the fun pastime of pet photography into a full time job - through book deals with signing tours or abandoning their day to day jobs to become full-time pet photographers. For right now, they are happy just living our lives and sharing a very special piece of it with our friends, family, and over 12,000 strangers. 

But keep an eye out for a major addition to the account, coming Spring 2015. (Hint:  It might just be a miniature version of Dublyn). 

In the meantime be sure to check out Dublyn on Instagram @dublyndoodle