What I'm Looking For

"I hope you find what you're looking for." That's one of the last things one of my friends from Chicago told me before I moved down to Austin. 

Recently that phrase has been ringing in my head. I hope so too. But what am I looking for? And will this move really help me find it? 

Well... I'm not really in the market for a ton of new friends (meaning I have some really great ones that are irreplaceable) not that I'm not going to make friends here. I'm not looking for a place to call my home because I have 2 homes really - Chicago & KC. I'm not really looking for a career path (I have a pretty good one). And I am certainly not looking for a husband - Lord knows if I'll ever be ready for that again. 

So maybe I'm really looking to find myself - or really a purpose/direction for myself. I moved to Austin because I wanted to go somewhere by myself - for myself - and prove that I could do that. And I did. 

So now what? I guess I want to define myself. I realized in Chicago that I didn't want to be defined by my relationship or my job. But I was falling into that trap with so many distractions. I guess Austin gives me the freedom to redefine myself and figure out who I am. No one here really knows me and not really knowing many people, I find that I have a lot more free time to "figure things out." ;) 

Sounds daunting, I know. But I'm giving myself small goals but not a ton of structure. And, in parallel, I'm focusing my efforts on finding my favorite taco place here in Austin.  

"In the end, we'll all become stories." -Margaret Atwood

I stumbled upon this quote while trying to find a healthy heavy appetizer on Pinterest for NYE. It inspired me enough to stop, pin it (of course), take a screen grab and interrupt my plans of watching the Blackhawks to write about it later in the evening.

That quote precisely describe my mentality over the last three years of my life. Prior to that, I had bought into the fact that I'd live in Kansas City, married, working at the same agency I'd been at for the majority of my career. But then, with my divorce, plans changed and suddenly there were no plans. I didn't like that at first. In fact, I was absolutely devastated that I had no idea what to do with my life.

But after I stopped wallowing and feeling sorry for myself, I turned my heartbreak into a new look on life. If I wasn't going to live happily ever after as I had originally planned, what was I going to do to leave my mark on this world, my industry, my friends and family, etc?

You might think by reading this that I immediately signed up for the peace corps and started volunteering at a local soup kitchen five times a week. Well not exactly, although that would have been a positive option.

But I took a look at myself and my life and started to shape my own story. It was unconscious at first, but slowly I became aware of what I was doing.

My friends and coworkers who stood by me in during my struggle, became my family. So for a year, I spent my focus on orchestrating every scenario to hang out with them more, happy hours, a softball league, family dinner night, trivia night, etc. I never missed a birthday, shower, wedding, etc. if I could help it. No matter how broke, exhausted or ridiculous it seemed. I wanted to show my support in return.

Then I got the opportunity to grow my career by moving to our brand-new Chicago office with the potential to get promoted and build our relationship with the clients and partners. It was a bit of a crazy ride and incredible challenge, but did indeed push me to be a better account person and . I got opportunities in Chicago that I never would have gotten career-wise in Kansas City. And I was still connected back to Kansas City, my home.

And to help shape my personal happiness (and frankly distract me from being lonely), I took advantage of every potential trip, event and experience. At first, it was hard for me to be without a husband or family. But then I came to realize that I should take advantage of this time where I had the freedom to do what I wanted and didn't have to consider the impact to anyone else. I no longer had an excuse about why I couldn't do something - other than I didn't want to - so if I did want to, I found a way to make it happen. And it was awesome. I got to go to new places and experience once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. And I brought my friends along for the ride (or sometimes they brought me along for it). In a nutshell, as Bud Light puts it so eloquently, I was #upforwhatever

The opportunity in Austin came at a perfect time in my career and my personal growth. I suddenly could envision myself going off on my own and doing something without a huge support system on the ground. This thought that months earlier terrified me, suddenly excited me. I felt exhilarated thinking about the opportunity to decorate my own place, make my own friends, go to a new agency and make my own life.

It dawned on me that this is an opportunity where I have complete control over this chapter of my life. And it feels extremely scary but also pretty cool. And a risk that most people probably won't take. But I don't want to be like most people.

I didn't want to be like most people when I choose to go to college at Mizzou, knowing only one other person and having very little knowledge of Missouri, while my peers all went to colleges in Illinois, Iowa or Michigan. But it worked out (and was the best decision of my life) as it changed my trajectory positively and gave me a ton of memories to build my story.

Ultimately, in the end, I want to have a unique and unexpected story. And one that involves a lot of people, places and new adventures.

I've Been There, Burnt That (Again)

Well, I’m back again for another attempt at the blog, spurred by my new adventure to Austin, TX. 

The first time around, I hadn’t quite found my voice or my purpose. I’ve over the past almost year, I realized that not every post has to be about crashing and burning, because while funny at times, wasn’t really what I was all about. 

And it got hard to fit everything into a small, narrow box of situations where I’ve been burnt or burned something.

Don’t get me wrong, the toast burning mishaps and the challenges were fun.And this revelation doesn’t mean my blog will be super-serious, because I’ve learned that you can’t take life to seriously.

But I’ve realized “I’ve Been There Burnt That” is representative of life in general and not just the lows. So my blog will be representative of that -my life, my career, my move to Austin, my relationships, etc.

Before I was writing for you – or rather what I thought you were interested in. Or were about you. But now I’ve decided to write for me. I know that sounds selfish, but I got to make this fun for me to keep at it. I’m in the midst of reading Big Magic, a book by Elizabeth Gilbert (the lady who wrote Eat, Pray, Love), a quirky narrative about how to live a creative life. She states that if writing is your thing, you should never write for other people, you should write for you. And you should not be afraid if people will like it. Because it doesn't matter. 

So that’s what I’m doing. Writing for me, and not being afraid. And I hope you like it.  ;P

And living my creative life will not be limited to writing. For me it’s about writing, art, music and a mind-set of living. And I intend to reignite that spark with my move to Austin, even if it means starting a few fires and getting burnt along the way.

I've Been Burnt...

So I know I have been MIA for awhile & before that been a bit more serious.

So for those who preferred my lighthearted stories & ridiculous predicaments, here's a good one for you.

Guys if you've ever wondered if you should shave the scruff on your face. The answer is yes. Always shave. Scruff is rough. And can do major damage to sensitive skin [like mine].

Seriously I went on a date last Saturday and my chin is STILL irritated a week later. At least it no longer looks like a 12 year old boy's face during puberty.

I consulted the internet for some home remedies the day after and the suggestions were... wait for it... I can't make this stuff up: 1) Ask your man to shave, 2) Deal with it & buy some hydrocortisone cream & lather up, 3) Stop making out with or dating the person.

Since it was only date #2, I'm going to go ahead and go with option #3. And not just because of the scruff.

But for all you single men out there on Tinder who are reading this blog [I'm guessing approx. -5 people] if you want a swipe right, you better be posting clean-shaven photos.

Danny's Finding KC | #GreatIdeas Series

Danny Schumann is probably one of the busiest people that I know. But somehow he manages to be a fantastic dad, a good friend, lead the social insights team at VML KC and put his hobbies into practice through FindingKansasCity.com And why? Because he wants to. 

He took over FindingKansasCity.com about a year ago from a former co-worker who had started the site to review and profile shops, restaurants, bars and other culturally relevant things in Kansas City. He took on the site because he had a great vision about where it could go - but also frankly to keep practicing the skills he had taught himself over the past few years. And his love for Kansas City and discovering all the great things about it helps :) 

How it began. 

In college, he had the opportunity to purchase Adobe Creative Suite and take a class to learn the basics for design.  

"[From my optional design class in college] I learned a base, but 90% of what I learned happened by practicing and looking up small tactics one step at a time." 

At his first job, he bought a book, How to Build a Website, to learn how to code [Ironic, isn't it?] And chapter by chapter, trial by trial was able to learn how to code. 

From there he just kept practicing. And then he got the opportunity to take on FindingKansasCity.com. 


FindingKansasCity.com

Danny says the site had a great base and following, but he had plans to make it bigger. During the Kansas City Royals playoff run, the nation was hungry for Kansas City news and everyone rallied around the city. 

In that timeframe, FindingKansasCity.com: 

• Was featured in a Huffpost article 
• Profiled and partnered with local retailers to promote KC gear and link back to the site
• And activated its social media presence on Facebook and re-invigorated activation on Twitter  

And in the past few months, Danny's managed to find the time to rebrand and re-work the look and feel of the site, resurface and create new content, increase the search traffic to the site and being tweeted by local media. 

What's ahead? 

"[What I've done with FindingKansasCity.com] is not the finish line, but it's my next set of challenges to see what I can do and force myself to keep practicing." 

FindingKansasCity.com has incredible opportunity with the growth and revitalization of the city. So I know that whether it be this project or another, Danny will be successful and make his friends and especially his son, proud.  

Two Years Ago Today

Screw everything else below. The real news is that yesterday, I actually had my shit together. Despite what happened 2 years ago. And it felt awesome to be in a really good place.

Two years ago today, my life changed forever when my husband walked out the door. And the ensuing months were (hopefully) the hardest time of my life. But thanks to some incredible people I was able to get through it and realize I'd been given a second chance.

I could have spent today sad, angry, lonely, etc. But I'm not. Instead I've decided to reflect on all the positive things I've learned from that experience.  

Firstly - 

Your hardest times often lead to the greatest moments of your life.
There were days when I felt powerless with my world crashing down all around me and I didn't know if I'd ever be happy again or would ever stop hurting. But I also became more "real" than I had ever been before. I let others in like never before. I let myself cry in front of people. I got so angry that I broke things. And I appreciated every bit of love and happiness I received. And I found myself having some incredible experiences with amazing people. And the greatest moment was finding the strength to start over, on my own, in Chicago.

And because I was forced to become "real", I learned to - 

Be brutally honest. 
In all sorts of relationships. That's the only way you can really get to know a person intimately and the only way a relationship will stand the test of time. And this is even harder, but you must be honest with yourself. Even if you don't want to know the truth.

Enjoy the moment. 
My marriage didn't end when he walked out the door. It ended long before that and it wasn't only because of him. I didn't appreciate what I had. I prioritized a lot of things over my marriage and only realized it when it was already too late. So I try to be conscious of appreciating the here and now.

And being more appreciative of the moment, I realized that moment is best if you are happy - 

Don't take life too seriously.  
I used to. I still do a lot (hence this post). But I've realized sometimes you need a little bit of dumb in life. I've learned to relax a bit, smile more, not take everything personally and that it's okay to pick-up and go to San Francisco next weekend, even if you can't really afford it.

You control your happiness. 
Life can be pretty shitty sometimes - people will do shitty things to you, you will find yourself in shitty situations. You can blame it on those people or those situations, or you can control how it affects you. If you find yourself unhappy, you have the power to decide how it's going to affect you and change the situation.

You have the power to change, but some things happen for a reason - 

You don't meet people by accident. 
If I hadn't met my ex, I wouldn't have moved to Kansas City. It wasn't a coincidence that a friend from college was the perfect person to move in next door around the time my world was falling apart. It wasn't by accident that I met some amazing friends back in college who became my strength during this time. It wasn't by chance that at my lowest point, I met someone who understood exactly what I was going through. It wasn't happenstance that I met some new people who turned into exactly what I needed at various points over the past two years.

Moving forward doesn't mean forgetting - 

It's okay to miss people you no longer want in your life. 
The hardest thing about my divorce was not only losing my husband, but also my best friend. We had a lot of great times together over nine years and made a ton of memories. So of course I missed him. And I'm starting to be able to remember without crying. And it's okay that I miss him or miss certain things, but that doesn't mean I want him back.

And finally - 

#YouNeverKnow
My friend coined this hashtag during a softball game several months ago (and no, she was not talking about whether or not I'd actually hit the ball). But she was right. You just never know what might happen in life. Sure there are some things you can control, but there are a lot you can't. I don't know what's in my future - and even though that's can be a bit scary - I'm okay with that right now. Because #youneverknow what will happen next.

Tea with Claudia | #GreatIdeas Series

"Always surround yourself with people smarter than yourself," is one of the best pieces of advice that I've heard [and taken]. 


And my friend, Claudia Zhang, is no exception. As long as I've known her - about 16 years now - she's been full of wisdom, advice and #greatideas. And she's always up for taking risks, "just going for it". Her dedication to her budding tea business, Michi Tea, is no exception to this rule.  

Claud moved to Germany [much to my dismay] with her husband a year and a half ago -  knowing virtually no German or people besides her husband and a few of his friends. This experience alone is worth writing about [Claud, someday you'll have to document your stories]. For some this could be incredibly daunting, but for Claudia it was an opportunity to experience something new. 

Over time, she noticed that Germans are "very particular" about their beverages, often drinking anything but "flat" water. In fact, on Sundays when other shops and supermarkets were closed, she noticed the beverage shops or "Getraenkemarkt" were open because it's so much ingrained in the culture. When she got pregnant, she started looking for non-alcoholic beverages and most of the options were sweet. And she realized what was missing - ready-to-drink teas, right out of the bottle, that tasted freshly brewed and were without a lot of added sugars. 

So she started thinking, what if I developed a product that could fill this gap? Claudia started experimenting with brewing and bottling at home, but soon realized that wasn't realistic to produce large quantities doing that. What's really great about this story, is that as Claudia finds a roadblock or a potential dead-end, she just tries a different route [or turns over a new leaf, if you will]. 

"The further I got into the project," she said. "The more I understand about all the bits and pieces that needed to be done. I think it's probably the case with any startup, you just have to start and then figure out the rest as you go along. It's impossible to plan for every little thing ahead of time because you just won't know what you will need." 

See I told you she was smart. 

So while she's not 100% up & running with Michi, she is finalizing her brand and business plan and next step is to do sales pitches to retailers and distributors. And sell the tea! 

I wish the best for one of my best friends in moving forward with Michi and all her other #greatideas [although her next one better involve coming back to the states...]

 #30before31